the art of picking your nose and how not to get caught
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The art of picking your nose and how not to get caught.
To pick or not to pick, is that the question? The answer to that quetion is pick. According to a study done in 1995 requesting information from 1000 randomly selected adults about nose picking, defined as the insertion of a finger or other object into the nose with intention of removing dried nasal secretions. Of the 1000 requests sent out 254 of them were returned. Of those who responded 91% said they were current nose pickers, (but only 75% of those believed everyone did it) and two people claimed that they spent between 15-30 minutes and 1-2 hours a day picking their nose. Wow, thats a lot of nose picking going on.
This guy got a little to carried away!
Tips and Pointers!
There are two types of nasal stuff (yes, that is the technical term) you will probably find in your nose, snot and boogers. Snot being the runny stuff (another technical term) and boogers the dried snot. This works kinda like how raisins were once grapes, but they have dried and recieve a different name, the same goes for your mucus.
Snot is not something for picking, it is hard to hide that you have done this and it's pretty messy, so this is better left to the veteran nose picker. Sometimes you might think you are just picking a booger but get the snot trail behind it, this is a sticky situation and you have probably been seen by someone as the long snot trail is a dead give away. You will have to think fast on your feet and fake a sneeze or blame allergies.
Now for the different kind of picking:
- Fake nose scratch- this technique can be acheived after many hours of practice. You have to make it look ike a real scratch while hiding the finger enetering the nasal cavity.
- Pick and save- when you pick as someone looks away, and you pocket the snot so as not to get caught.
- Pick and flick- Boogers make great weapons!
- Autopick- picking in your automobile
- Pick and stick- for those of you who have to stick your booger on a surface.
- Roll and throw- Done with boogers not snot as the snot will not make a ball that can be thrown
- Wiper- wiping with your shirt sleeve, hand or other article. Not technically a pick but is effective at relieving snot from getting all over your face.
- Paydirt- when you pick your nose and get a booger so big that you improve your breathing by 90%
- Pick your brain- Inserting the finger so far into the nasal passage that you pass the septum
- Kiddie pick- when you are by yourself and you uninhibitly twist your finger into your nose with childlike joy and freedom. The best part is that there is no time limit.
I have decided to give a few tips to those of you who dare delve into your nasal passasges for the ever present nose nugget.
- Never try to pick the nose of another, they probably won't like it.
- Keep your nails short as you could scratch your nasal passage and do damage.
- Never insert sharp objects into yor nose, Ouch!
- never insert anything bigger than your thumb. The reasons for this are obvious.
- Never insert anything that could get lost or lodged in there, this would be embarassing and probably painful.
Need some nose picking inspiration.......
I have rowses and rowses of noses and noses
And why they all growses I really can't guess.
No lilies or roses, just cold-catching noses,
And when they all blowses, it's really a mess.
They runs and they glowses, these sneezity noses,
They drips and they flowses, they blooms and they dies.
But you can't bring no noses to fine flower showses
And really expect them to give you a prize.
But each mornin' I goeses to water with hoses
These rowses of noses that I cannot sell,
These red sniffly noses that cause all my woeses,
Why even the crowses complain that they smell.
Why noses, not roses? Well, nobody knowses.
Why do you supposes they growses this thick?
But since there's no roses come gather some noses --
I guarantee each one's a good nose to pick.
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A few nasal definitions
- Nose miner- One who spends copious amounts of time picking their nose.
- Nose Harp-When a persons nose hair is clearly visable.
- Nose goblins- Big boogers that you want to keep because you couldn't believe you just picked them from your own nose.
- Nose Enema- When drinking any liquid and choking or laughter causes said liquid to travel from mouth / throat up and through the nose
- Nose Bacon- the crusty dried snot/mucus, bloody or otherwise, that lines your nose when you have a cold or sinus infection. It usually dries very hard. It pulls at your nose lining and needs to be picked off & out, usually with a fingertip.
- Nose Jam- 1. Build up of partacles of dubious origin that make their domicile in the nasal cavity of most mammals. Can range in texture from crusty hardened solid lumps to a sloppy, viscous gel-like substance usually found dripping from the noses of the sick and feeble, the homeless, or human babies. Unknown exactly what the purpose of this mystery shape-changing element is, athough it has been documented that it can be used as an emergency food source when bored or hungry. Also used sometimes by teenagers as a material for sabotage or deviousness by wiping the matter liberally on another's personal property.
- Nose Gold- Boogers, snot,nose gobblins. There is a fine art to mining for nose gold.
- Nose Growin- To flat out tell a Lie in front of a group of friends.
- Nose Whistle- Not quite a snore, but more than heavy breathing thru your nose. That high pitched whistle from a properly stuffed nose.
- Nose Rogue- A nose rogue is a long nose hair that has extended some distance below the nostril and is highly conspicuous and unsightly. It is generally more common in men than women.
- Nose tampon- Rolling up toilet paper or tissue paper and sticking into one's nose.
- Nose Turkey- The mocking gesture made towards someone by placing the tip of your thumb on the end of your nose, and wiggling the rest of the outstretched fingers.
- Nose Smile- A smile so big that the corners of your mouth are parallel to the tip of your nose.
- Nose Chum- Greenish/yellowish smelly snot that usually appears when you have a sinus infection.
- Nose fro- Nose hair that needs trimed.
CommentsLoading...
Thanks Julie Ann, Stop by anytime!
Yuk Yuk Yuk, I had to read the part by the second picture really quick as it was just too gross to look at.
You forgot the ones who turn their boogers into lunch though !!!!
Great stomach churning hub and very funny. LOL
*applause*
My kinda reading material! I LOVED IT!!!
Very funny! I am somewhat of a master, if I do say so myself, and I found it educational, informative and important reading. So much so, that I have forwarded it to the Queen of England. Just a note, the video is "no longer available", or so it says. Great hub!
Thank you Misty- Yea, I didn't put the whole lunch or snack thing in here because, well it grosses me out, YUCK!
Thank You Spryte!
Cristoph, I would love some notes from the master! Thanks for the forward, hope she picks it as one of her favorites.
I will try to fix that video.
I am not sure if it is relevant to this hub but the runny nose tongue wipe is a favorite of mine where I extend my tongue up towards my nose as far it will reach, then wiping off any snot trail it encounters. Guaranteed to put a smile on my face. Great hub gwendy.
Just one word, UGHHHHHHHHHHHH. This is as gross as Marisuewrites' hub on things to do with toenail clippings,,,yechhhhhhhhh!
Is nothing sacred anymore? What's next, 10 things to do with belly button lint? :)
Brainstormer, I forgot all about the tongue wipe technique. I might have to pick your brain for some more ideas.
Trish, a hub for belly button lint is a great idea, you better jump on that one.
LOL gwendy, I think not! I'll leave that one to anyone who is a bit more clever than I am :)
Oh Trish, you would be great at it!
Ewww! Gross, but I love it!
Who knew there was so much to know about nose picking?
Fascinating information!
Autopick tickled my fancy...A while ago a friend of mine and I were on a little road trip and talking about people who do stupid things in their cars, like reading a map or the newspaper while driving or applying makeup at stoplights. My friend, who was driving, poked me in the arm and said, "Look at that guy in the oncoming lane, picking his nose. What, does he think he's invisible?"
I think it's part of the car mystique: When you're in your car, you feel a privacy as if you're in a little cocoon. You have the mistaken impression that no one can see you. HA!
Fun Hub. I had no idea there was so much specialized vocabulary associated with nose picking!
Moon Daisy, your right it is gross, but the majority of people do it, whether in private or in public. Just one of those things we humans do. Besides, sometimes there is just one in there that you can't blow out!
Sally's Trove, It is fascinating how we think of our cars as our own little safe place to do what we think no one can see, hear, or whatever. I have the bad habit of singing in the car pretty loudly. I am sure peolple hear me but I guess the car makes me feel safe. I also had no idea there was so much vocabulary when it came to nose picking either until I researched this, it's crazy.
Thank you both for stopping by and taking the time to make comments.
Thumbs up! (For the hub that is ;)
G'day,
I use to cultivate a pinky nail just for the job, works a treat!
Don't you just love it when you've gone to all the trouble to do a Autopick very discretely, and just as you flick it out the window the lady in the next car has been watching all of the time?
Puts a new slant on Finger Licking Good don't it?
It's annoying to get caught, because ike you said you have tried so hard to do it secretly and someone sees you, very annoying. I wonder though if some people might get a kick out getting caught, maybe they like the idea of trying not to get caught. I'm sure those are part of the thrill for some.
It does put a new slant on finger licking good, just not my finger Gross!
Having had the time to contemplate my naval. To show you the high level of erudacity I attained, I will recite to you the only poem that I ever managed to remember all the way through. I knew it would come in handy one day? (clears throat, cough, cough, sniff, sniff)
"The boy stood on the burning deck
picking his nose like mad
rolling it up in little balls
and flicking it at his dad."
(bow) "thank your" (bow) "thank you"
exit stage left
and you probably thought that would be useless information when you learned it!
Glad you like my poetry. I will now introduce you to our culinary delight which normal people refer to as "Vanilla Slices" but we who raise our sights above the top lip call "Snot Blocks".
That really impressed the girls, especially on a first date.
Agvulpes, I love your poetry! I have been contemplating adding some gourmet boogie or bogie recipes to this hub so I would be glad to accept your recipe for my consideration. I bet your gourmet recipe does impress the girls, I am surprised though that you would use it for on a first date. I would think it would be more useful as a fifth date tool, you know when the new kinda wears off and you have to reel them back in.
I've always been led to believe that first impressions count, your insightfulness on how a girls mind works, now indicates to me why I never actually got to the fifth date part of the program. Oh well, as we gaze into the depths of nasal depravity, such is life!
Now as far as recipe's go even if I may say so myself, my Sunny Side Up Fried Egg on Toast with Boogie on Top is a culinary delight.
As well as poetry I am a epicurean of old movies.
Classics like "There's no business like snot business". A great movie with songs sung (blue) so nasally admirably by Ethel Merman. Or that other great movie "The Snot man cometh" and who could forget shirley not you "Oklahoma" with that famous line in the song "when the winds come rushing down the plain" Darn it, wrong Hub that should be in the Wedgie one!
Hey, just noticed your new avatar.Great photo!
I missed those although I have seen snotless in seattle all about some poor guys sinus infection, and the good, the bad, and the snotty. Both very good movies.
Oh I think snotless in seattle must have been a chick movie bit too sloppy for me although I can see where its coming from.
Now the good bad and the snotty is a real classic. Loved Lee van sneeze.
I must admit I'm a sucker for a good mucuscil though, for instance "Dancing in the Snot" Hmmmmm!
Your right snotless in Seattle is a chick flick but still a good movie. The good, the bad and the snotty is a classic. Lee Van Sneeze, what more can you say!
Musicals likeall that snot, and snot the movie. Love them all!
Thanks for the comment about my photo, but I changed it back, too shy!
Oh, shame it is a nice photo. Can't quite work out what that is, is it an orchid?
Seeing we are talking of classics we must also include the magnificent tomes that we have all grown to love and hold dearly to our noses "Horatio Hornblower", "Eversneezer Scrooge", "Tale of Two Noses" and ernest hemingways "For Whom the Nose Blows"
so many classics, so little kleenex.
it's an Iris in my back yard, long gone now though. Until next spring.
And what a beautiful iris, is it a bearded iris? We are 1 month into Spring and our bulbs are bursting forth and Roses are about to burst their buds! Ah the joys of the garden tis a shame we must turn our thoughts to mucus!
I have found that the snot trail can be very rewarding. Especially when you can feel it pulling all the way from the back of your sinus cavity. It often results in the "Paydirt Effect".
I love the movies, too. But I believe The Good, The Bad And The Snotty was the third in a trilogy. To fully appreciate it, you must first watch A Fist Full of Nose Hairs, and For A Few Boogers More. I believe it's referred to as The Man With No Hankie trilogy.
OK Gwendymom we must keep this a secret, just between you and me. Promise Cross your heart and hope to die if you don't I'll spit in your eye! Good.
Here's the deal:- I'm starting up a secret movement called "The Agsnotics"
we infiltrate ALL of the kindergartens of the world and recruit all the little "snotters" . sort of like sleepers. Lenin once said "Give me a child until he is 7 and he is mine for life. When all these little "Snotters" mature to "Mucii's" we call them together and take over the world. Great plan Eh!
We'll have a secret signal so that all snotters or mucii will know each other. I thought something like the second photo from the top. Waddya reckon?
Gwendymom, I hope that in some small way I am helping to take your mind off the troubles your country is experiencing. God bless you and I hope it is sorted out very soon!
My boy loves his boogers. He much prefers then to brussel sprouts, and at least he doesn't smear them on the wall next to his bed like some children.
BTW did you know that if your nose runs and your feet smell, you're built the wrong way up?
Agvulpes, I am not sure what kind of Iris it is, I just know that they are the best kind of flower for a person like me that has killed every kind of flower and plant. I don't do a thing to them and actually my husband get pissed off every fall when the leaves turn an ugly brown and runs them over with the lawn mower, they always come back. That's the kind of flower for me, one that takes tons of abuse!
B.T., you are right it is a trilgy, how stupid of me not to mention the other two! If I am going to aducate people on snotty movies I better get my act together. Of course Boogie nights is also a great movie too, Maybe I should make a list of all the great snot movies, I may need your help though.
paydirt effect?
Avgulpes, I am a little worried about this plan, anyone armed with a box of benadryl and kleenex could take our little army out, we might have to consider this a little more.
Amanda Severn, Isn't it funny how children seem to really enjoy the taste of the boogies, they say we have more taste buds as a kid and they start to die off as we get older so I just can't imagine why kids are eating so many boogers. You would think it would be the opposite way, that as we got older we would eat more boogers because our tastebuds have died. I don'tt know who They are btw.
That built the wrong way up makes sense!
Thanks for the comments all!
Very well written hub. Boogers are also very fun. I have a friend who wrote a poem titled boogers. I think you should check it out.
http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/8217
I can't believe I am not safe to pick in my car. That makes me really sad. :(
Sorry but the link isn't to a poem. It's still a good read though.
That was a very nice read. I wish I had come across it before this hub. I like the thoguht of thewre being the seven different kins of boogies all with their own characteristics. Very Funny!
Ok. I've started walking around on my hands and my wife says it's a great improvement! I'm afraid tho that my head will fill up with snot, need I be worried?
News Flash :- I wish to report the latest sighting , young girl seen eating lollypop, and mixing with nose pickings, I'm sure she will make a good recruit for the "Agsnotics Assoc.
Agvulpes, I'm pretty sure that if you continue to walk around on your hands your head will fill up with snot, you should be worried! Still not sold on those Agsnotics, very concerned about the Benadryl. Maybe we need to change our plans to take over the world, hmmm, I'll think about that and get back to you.
My goodness! No mention of my beloved's "snot rocket"...That beats picking hands down! (My God, that might have been a pun!) And if you're really good - you can fart while you're blowing your "snot rocket" and know one is any the wiser!
We're certainly a sophisticated bunch. Reading Aristotle, waxing poetic, and worrying about what to do when we don't have a kleenex! I can tell I'll fit right in here!
blessings,
julia
julia ward - a BLINDING heart - a writer's blog - www.ablindingheart.com
Julia, I am a little worried about your husband farting while performing a snot rocket. I just don't know if the human body can handle that without some kind of repercussions. I am not a doctor but surely this can't be safe! I think you will fit right in here! Thanks for taking the time to comment!
Well I can raise Julia's snot rocket by 2 snot bubbles performed by 3yr old!. and I have seen someone sneeze and fart at the same time (by accident of course), now that WAS uncomfortable.
Just as an aside to raise the level of the conversation , when I was young my older brother used to tell me he could, any time he felt like it "play" "God save the Queen" by farting. When requested, he would say "I never feel like it!"
Only took me about 3 yrs to get it! As I said I was young.
that was like yuk! but i liked the types of nose pickings...it was fun :)
nice one
Thanks Mezo, it is kind of gross, but one of those facts of life. glad you had fun.
Hahaha what a fun hub gwendymom and something that me actually cringe too. LOL
LOL, Ripplemaker, I am glad you enjoyed it! Come back anytime!
Nose Harp: yeah that's me! Hi gwendymom, I jusy knew you had to be carzy. This is too much, kinda gross tho'. eeew!!!
This hub is so funny! I saw it on the Hubtivity page and HAD to read it. Now Im glad I did. I also remember hearing on Nick Jr (or something like that) that its healthy to pick your nose :D
C.C. I am so glad you decided to read my crazy stuff. I am also glad that you became my fan. all I can say is Awww Shucks.
Ardie. I think it must be healthy. If you think about it the nostril is the perfect size that a finger will fit. It could have been made alot smaller but it wasn't so therefore I conclude that it is the way it is supposed to be.
I wish I would have found this sooner! How absolutely tasteless! I love it! My 3 year old grandson says he needs to "pick it and flick it".
Fabulously written hub on snot! I am impressed. But, what about the double barrel snotgun???
Outdoor guy, the double barrel snotgun should be left to the pros. It's a very dangerous maneuver that could cause sinus infection, accidental letting out of gas, and in extreme cases cranial blowout. It's not just dangerous for the person trying to execute the DBSG, as it is known in the professional snotblower circles, but it is also dangerous for anyone watching, standing, or just happening by. Please use extreme care if attempting the DBSG,although I am strongly suggesting that you do not attempt it. start out slow with a single barrel, trust me, you and everyone around you will be much safer! Thanks for dropping by and reading.
snot what i was expecting but it did remind me to go for gold...
Well Phil if there is anything worth doing it's worth doing right, even picking your nose.
I looked at the author bio... thinking who would write about this topic..! Your "bored" word jumped out. I understand. A mind is a terrible thing to waste! Although this would not be my favorite topic to research, your sense of humor carries the topic well...
Hi All no to spam the page but I am not really sure how to fing proud bogey pickers. If anyone based in England would like to be on a brand new BBC series then drop me a line.
mickey.bishop@endemoluk.com
see the link below for more info!
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Brand-New-TV-Show-About-Peoples-Funny-Habits/119666021394950?ref=ts
hi everyone
Sources
- Nose-picking - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
- TheInsaneDomain.com - nose picking article
TheInsaneDomain featuring insane articles, lists, sock monkeys, stories and more. - Urban Dictionary, September 16: FLIRJ
Julie-Ann Amos Level 1 Commenter 3 years ago
I love it! Fantastic hub