Fun new products on my Christmas shopping list
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Warning: some people may find the following Hub offensive.
With the holidays approaching fast I have gathered a list of fun new products that I would love to buy for my friends here at Hubpages. These would make great gifts for anyone with a great sense of humor.
For Shirley Anderson.I have chosen the gift of adoption of an alien. Shirley can then adopt it, raise it as her own and not have to be worried about getting anal probed, unless of course that is what she is into.
This is on my shopping list for Shadesbreath
This is really the perfect gift for him as he can always be armed with a beer and not have to waste time going back to the refrigerator/ and or cooler.
This is a great gift for those friends of yours that like fast cars and even better fast women. An I love group sex bumper sticker. This one is on my list for Misha.
This is a great gift for all women. Who couldn't use a bunny? This is a weanie baby, and I know how much Spryte loves animals, especially bunnies. This item is on my shopping list for Spryte.
The next item is a wearable gift, a funny T-shirt. Christoph is a truly funny guy, but also the kind of guy that you can always count on for help and advice.
For B.T. Evilpants I have decided on the Hornitos pills, By looking at his rack you might think he is horny enough, but being extra horny is even better.
For MistHorizon2003, I have chosen Instapoop. I know that misty has had a lot of animals in her life, so I am sure she has seen a lot of poop. This is for when she gets reminiscent of her childhood.
For Constant Walker I have decided on a on some crime scene tape, based on his hub Looking for a roommate.
On my list of gift I have chosen this particular gift for Agvulpes. I know that he would enjoy this finger shaped nose hair trimmer.
The following item on my list is for Julie-Ann Amos.
I think julie might enjoy a design your own beaver game as Julie has published a hub about Pubic hairstyle.
For Princessa I have chosen a giant martini glass.This will come in handy for all her great parties.
For Sixtyorso, I have decided that an apron for this self proclaimed foodie is the perfect gift for this sexy man.
For SirDent, I have put men's underwear repair kit. You just never know when you might have a blowout, and with this little kit you will always be prepared.
For Sally's Trove I think the perfect gift for her is Liquid Ass, then the next time she decides to gossip she can spray this before and no one will want to be around to hear in on it.
When Ananta65 cannot get his daughter to clean her room he now just comdem it.
And last but definitely not least, Ryan Hupfer or Hup, I have decide to get him a new mouse, so that he can enjoy his work even more.
I hope everyone who reads this will check out the profiles of the people I have mentioned here, They are a fun and talented bunch.
To my HP friends, I hope you enjoy your virtual gifts.
I know that I have left some of my friends off this list and I am sorry. I will try to do another hub before Christmas so that you can be on my shopping list too.
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PETER POP UP LIGHTER Great Gag Gift Prank-Great Party Favor
Current Bid: $1.89
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Shocking Electric Shock Novelty Metal Pen Prank Trick Joke Gag Funny Toy Gift
Current Bid: $1.12
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4X Shocking Electric Shock Novelty Metal Pen Prank Trick Joke Gag Funny Toy Gift
Current Bid: $7.29
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New Electric Shock Metal Pen Adult Joke Gag Prank Novelty Trick Funny Toy Gift
Current Bid: $1.11
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108 Stink Bombs Glass Viles Smells Bad Rotten Egg Fart Joke Gag Gift Trick Prank
Current Bid: $31.33
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Full Box of 2500 Party Snaps - Super Noise Maker Bang Snaps, Great For Kids!
Current Bid: $21.99
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CommentsLoading...
It's still funny! Your solution to the picture thing is perfect. I works very well. Good job. Everyone who is not getting a present from you will be soooooo jealous! I give it 5 HA's.
LOL! I love it!! I didn't see your bunny poem earlier and while reading it I almost inhaled my coffee through my nose. *giggle* Thank you for thinking of me this holiday...*big big hugs*
Great hub, and very appropiate, not only by looking at there profile, but also some of the comments they make, on other peoples hubs.
Nice to wake up to find I have a present :) I love it, thank you very much. Now I just need to go and visit Christoph's hub on How To Make the Classic Martini... to fill it up. Cheers!
Your hub made me laugh! You've found some very useful presents there.
Thankyou Gwendymom for puting me on your present list. And I think I got the best present. As you know we foxes don't have fingers so it's a mulitasking tool:-
task 1) trim nose hair
task 2) Pick nose. (could be the logo for our secret society, I allready have 2 members )
task 3) Extract wedgie (when unable to remove by means of your other ideas)
task 4) I could stir Princessa's martini?????? or is that shaken not stirred? (this one might be better at 3 what do you think?)
task 5) Have Finger/ Will Travel. No job too big. No job to small. Ph.555 agvulpes.
Task 6) Open to suggestions? (Chris,forget the anal probe)
Thanks again, if you post today I should get it by Christmas?
Aww, and I haven't gotten you anything, yet. Although, people have said that if a jackalope brings you a gift, you probably don't want it. For the record, I have been thinking about dyeing my fur. I'm told that purple bunnies have more fun!
I think purple beavers have lots of fun?
Gwendy, please do NOT send the pills! B.T. lives with me, and I can tell you he doesn't need any help in that department. Ever hear of a Tennessee leg hound? It took months to figure out why I was waking up with bruises on my legs.
Loved the gift Gwendy, I can now happily leave instant poo on all the doorsteps of people I don't like :) Great and hilarious hub, worth waiting for.
Thanks for the gift, I'm sure it will come in handy at certain times through my life. Now I gotta think about what I can get for you.
LOL Thank you Gwen! Now I have a tough task of deciding to which exactly of my cars this sticker goes... :)
Gwendy, these are GREAT! Thank you, and I'll be shopping for you... Ooo-ha-ha!
I want the "crime scene" tape and most of the other gifts, too. Can I shamelessly use the fact that I was recently injured to get them all? Epecially the "liquid ass," Gyno shirt and the "insta-poop."
I don't mind giving my *Liquid Ass* up to CW, gwendymom. Only because I can't figure out how to use it without being clobbered by it myself. So I toyed with the idea of a *gossip bubble*, you know, where I can inflate a big balloon and my gossip partner and I can be protected inside while I spray the LA outside. I also thought of carrying gas masks in my purse, to accomplish the same purpose. But then, what about the residual smell on my clothes, and that makes for doing laundry. You see? It's become kind of complicated for me. Maybe CW could put it to use without so much complication?
What is not complicated is my thank-you to you for including me on your Christmas gift list. It means so much to me, because it means you think I have a sense of humor, while all my life I've been told, when I thought I was funny, *Keep your day job*!
Well done, gwendymom!
ROTFLMAO
Ok, this is just frickin' hilarious. I was cracking up so hard at so many of these. I know someone for almost every one of these too. That beaver design kit is priceless; I think I need one of those just for the pure hilarity of it. Fine work, Gwendy, and thanks for starting my morning off with levity.
That opens up a whole slew of mental imagery fun, there, Gwendy. lol
Without question... although not nearly as effective in overall and actual aesthetic, uh, smoothery.
After such a nice present how can I not say that you are more than welcome to join us at any of our parties :) but I must warn you... full waxing is recommended -you never know who you might meet at one of this parties!
Better do not ask... France has some strange ways @_@ but it is always fun!
LOL, yes better don't ask, just come wit your martini glass and say OUI OUI OUI
Gwendy; If I can find one the right shape, I'm going to add an image of crime-scene tape to "Roommate Wanted."
Thanks for the great idea!
Hi Gwendy....Your christmas gift list hub is sooo sooo funny. I think you put in a lot of thought to buying the right gift for the right friend. I had one of those designer boards when I was a kid....I don't think it was a beaver one though but it still was a lot of fun! Such an entertaining hub. I loved it!
Gwendy - Y'know if I were wealthy, I'd buy a ticket for you to go to Paris just cuz I bet the story afterward would be hilarious :)
Gwendy, found the PERFECT tape image. Couldn't believe my luck! You gotta check it out. I put it all over the hub.
Spryte, I am seriously considering relocating to Tuscany, Italy. I wanna live someplace that provides healthcare for its citiznes and Tuscany is, well, ...Tuscany!
Noooo...keep that wax away from my tender bits!! LOL! My sister (a hairdresser) did my eyebrows once and the lights were so bright that my eyes kept tearing up and of course I whined a lot...so just imagine how I'd behave if anyone tried to wax anything even more sensitive.
CW - Great idea...Tuscany! I don't think they wax women there either. If I end up in France, accosted by mad waxers, can I count on your for asylum?
Or 'plucked chicken syndrome' LOL
Come on girls... pain is just a state of mind -and a lot of wine-
CW: Tuscany is a great place to be, stunning scenary and excellent food
spryte: waxing etiquette in Italy is similar to the French, Europeans like their women pretty smooth, so there is no scape LOL
Spryte, sure! Just don't try to do my laundry!!!
Sorry... couldn't help it...
Princessa, I'm already a complete Italian food freak. I can only imagine it's far better there.
Deal! Get your passport ready.
Well Princessa...I'll just have to be that hairy celibate American chick. :)
And, CW...no worries...I wouldn't dream of doing your laundry, or much of anything else since you look perfectly capable :P Although, from the sound of your hubs, I bet we'd have a blast experimenting with food in the kitchen...cooking...that's what I meant.
Ok. I'm going to France too. I'll watch and take copious notes.
Are you gonna wax, too?! :O
awesome thanks! I'm so pleased to be included! And great hub - very funny. Thanks so much
There's always electrolysis. Takes some time and money, but hey, it's permanent (although I have to say, seems like it gives a wrinkled effect to the upper lip).
Smooth is good though, the Europeans have it right. You know, guys go bald as they get older (at least the more evolved ones still climbing up the ladder from the apes further and further as they go) on their heads... maybe women should evolve more as they get older and go bald in the, uh, other key areas.
I wonder when was the last time Shades asked a bald man if he could look at his back. Depending on the response I think he'd need one of those beers for sure. Or an ambulance!
Of course your'e right Gwendymom, you don't need an excuse to have a beer, what on earth was I thinking. Shame on me!
My shout!!! That should bring Shades out , someone else buyin'?
Golly I thought Chris was way past puberty! Or is this the Claytons one!
By what I hear Shades and Chris will be in anything with the three letters "pub" in the front? You know what I mean Public Bar, Publicity etc.
Do you think they are both Republicans?
Pubably!
LOL Gwendy, as I was reading down this list, and AG went with that anything with a Pub thing... I just knew you'd see the obvious next step. You didn't dissapoint. lol.
G'day Shades thought the suggestion of a beer might flush you out!
My SHOUT !!!!
Confusus say "Man or Woman who smoke pot, finish up with handle stuck in throat?"
Sleeping pills do wonders for your typing, Gwendy. LOL
Confucius say, "Woman flying upside down have hairy crack up."
He also say, "Man who have sex with woman lying on ground get piece on earth."
and good will to all men!
Confusius says "Man or woman who sniffs Coke drowns"
I thought that was rather appropriate!
Gwen I nearly wrote that one!
One more for you to ponder on your journey to noddyland.
Confusius say "man who pees into strong wind gets own back"!
So its goodnight from him, sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite.
LOL @ "sniffing coke" one. I'mma use that one.
Welcome!
This is hilarious - still laughing - thanks Gwendymom!
The confucius one about man who sniff Coke drowns. That's good stuff.
Shades I thought you might enjoy that one. It comes from a highly reputed place of education. All right if you insist. I just read it from my sons boxer shorts hanging on the clothes line.
Waiting for what? Now I think I missed something. I must have needed to drink another martini before I put it all away.
I already used my only confucious joke.
/looks up innocently at Gwendy and bats big, doleful eyes that shimmer in the light with purity beyond the capacity for teasing and stuff.
I only know one...
Confucius say - Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Okies...I'm heading to bed and uh...Christoph guess what? I get to be Bugs Bunny!
Yeah because she bribed all the refs and she's a chick. She never would have survived the twinkie incident, so the whole thing is a sham and a travesty of sportsmanship. I may take it to the commissioner tomorrow.
And I'm out too. Night, y'all.
Well you would have won my heart Shades! but Christoph is better looking than you. Sorry to break it to you like this man!
Yeah. So I read. Good night everybody!
A very scary guy.
Hi guys As you know I am on a different time zone. you guys carry on while I sleep and vice versa. but at least I now know what you guys were on about when you were doing the bodyswapping bit.
Thanks for the great gift. loved the comment on the apron. But How did you know? Insider information somewhere.
I am still wiping he tears from my eyes and my stomach is aching from all the laughs I have had reading your comments.
I look forward to catching up each day and the fun I have trying to find the hub on which the threads have moved to.
I love you all! (um especially the girls!)
I just took some of these pills, and they don't seem to be...wait a minute, I feel...oooh, the hamster is awake! Be back later!!
Wow! I just went for a glass of wine last night -waxing was done last week- had a short sleep and I missed all the fun in here ...
So who is coming to France? Christoph? Gwendy, CW? Don’t forget to invite Sixtyorso, with his apron… ONLY with the apron and we will need to extend the invitation to Misha’s group for some extra fun ;-)
Can I bring my Finger?
It might help with the waxing and whatever?
Hey, I didn't get my invitation! If you guys let me come, too, I promise to leave these pills at home. Pretty please? No waxing for me, though.
Aww, that you Princessa, I am flattered with your invitation. Does it mean we can have Mark, Jenny, and Sandy, too? Oh, Mark is already there, so it's gonna be even easier :D
Of waxing B.T.? Rightly so! It should be a heartbreaking sight :D
*waves to Sixty*
I love you too!!
I might go...how close to a border will we be or perhaps the US Embassy? That might come in handy in case I need to run away screaming "Help! I'm being waxed!"
I'll come but I ain't drinking none of that sissy French wine. And couldn't we just dip BT in a bucket of Nair or something? Give him some sort of dipillatory shampoo? Heck, even a belt sander would be fun.
Why on earth would you want your belt sanded? Let alone your antlers!
Hey I'd never be mad about it I'd be flattered! Sorry i've been out of the discussion, I was in Berlin last week for a ghostwriting assignment otherwise I'd have chipped in more and been a bit more sociable!
The Instant Pop reminds me of cleaning up the dog yard. I cannot imagine buying that LOL. Wonder who does :).
Gwendy! Where have I been? I just came across this hub now!
I love, love, love my gift!!! Thank-you so much. I'm going to call him Harold. He can grow up to be Prime Minister and bring peace to all the galaxies. Naturally, he'll continue the war against unwanted anal probes.
Now, I want Harold to marry well when he gets older. Anybody got a nice daughter?
Not I...but Sigourney Weaver might be available.
Oh say! I'll bet you're right, Spryte! That might be a good match, though inter-species. She'd understand, but I hope the children don't suffer.
Gwendy, you have alot of time on your hands. nice to share it with your virtual friends. Merry Mas to you and yours...





































Christoph Reilly Level 2 Commenter 3 years ago
I'm first!!! Ta-da!